I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
