last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
