My friends, they love my intelligence
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
