we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
