Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
