I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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