she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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