i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
