Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
