I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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