you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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