I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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