after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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