Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
