Where is the hickey?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
