he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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