i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
