Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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