I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
