so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize