I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
