Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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