More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
