you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
