it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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