Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize