i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
