A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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