you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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