exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize