and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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