The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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