I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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