I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
