you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
