Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
