chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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