its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize