Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
