I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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