Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Found your dick twin last night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
