I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
