Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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