I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
