Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
