I faked an abortion last night.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
