Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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