Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
