It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
