I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
