I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So much rum. So many feels.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
