tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
