Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How external is "for external use only"?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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