Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
