So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
