You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
