She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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