i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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