You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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