checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
