we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
