You made me cry and you don't even care
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
