Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
