sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
