You really coming over, don't trick.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
