y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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