The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
