No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
