I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
