she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
