i need an iv and a liver transplant
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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