My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
