I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
